Jon Tucker Must Die

I am watching Jon Tucker Must Die and remembering why I love all movies set in high school. Mean Girls, Bring It On, Can't Hardly Wait. They are all so wonderful!

My favorite part about Jon Tucker Must Die is Sophia Bush, the slut character. In the beginning of the movie Brittany Snow identifies her as easy in a great line that goes something like:

"Vegan activist is code word for easy"

He he he!!! Sometimes I think I should have moved to L.A. instead of San Francisco.

Also, my Taylor Kitsch who plays Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights is in John Tucker Must Die. He makes a delivery to Jenny McCarthy.

"Dyke March"

I was in an IHOP with a friend during my college years who scolded me for using the term "Dyke." We were in D.C. where there are no lesbians so I guess the straight community decided the term "dyke" was unacceptable.

So yesterday, when my male roommate told me there was a "Dyke March" going on in the neighborhood, I thought he was being crass. However, this is the actual name of the march. When I told my lesbian friend that my former "community" of straight Washington D.C. government workers had forbidden the use of the word she seemed confused about why I chose to bring this information to her attention. What does she care?

I do think that if there is a "community" who can make this decision it is the women who participated in the march during San Francisco's Pride weekend. So from here on out I guess I can say "dyke" but it still makes me uncomfortable.

So yesterday I joined my friends in the park for some music and drinks in Delores park for the pre-march party. After a few hours the scene became an underage lesbian Girls Gone Wild. Clothes came off and certain unmentionable things began to happen. I had a great time even though I was not able to join in the fun.

I also learned what it means to have various bandannas/handkerchiefs sticking out of your back pocket. There is a complicated system of sexual preference communication going on here. Most of what they told me was about scat and being a top and a bottom. The internet elaborates:


http://www.pendorwright.com/faqs/hankies.html

My Blackberry

People who own Blackberrys are usually complaining about some work related matter under their breath. The are always pulling out these strange objects in restaurants and have tantrums at a time when they should be relaxing.

I am one of these people.

I love my blackberry and I don't care that I am sometimes with a friend and while we are at a bar I pick up my blackberry and yell "fuck," put it back down and go back to my conversation. Sometimes people feel obliged to ask what happened. Don't! I just like to say fuck out loud when I get an annoying work email. I do it when I'm alone. Even though most of my life has been spent thus far crying out for attention, these actions are not part of that cry.

While I love my blackberry, I have to know my audience. My friend Pater has been taking me to artsy Jazz bars and places in San Francisco that make me want to learn to play an instrument, or quit my job and get into performance art. People dress in interesting outfits and smoke cigarettes while they talk about things like Harry Haywood and other stuff I know nothing about. I wish I was one of those people but my heart belongs to trashy reality television so what can I do? I had a few beer the other night at this bar that had a band that played amazing 1920s music and everyone danced the Charleston. I felt like I was in that scene in swingers where Jon Favreau starts dancing with Heather Graham and everyone seems to be moving in fastforward which intimidates poor Jon. I too was intimidated, but I loved every second of it. There is this world out there with people who really know how to have fun. I suddenly felt my purse vibrate.

AN EMAIL!!!!

When I took it out all of the people around me turned to stone. It was as if I had just brought Kentucky Friend Chicken into an Ashram. I had made this holy place impure. It was a client who had sent me some feedback from some work I did and I proceeded to read the entire email with the blackberry blaring light up into this world people consider to be a painting of what life should be like. But in my life I love to be able to go where ever I want and not be thinking about what my inbox will vomit on me when I get home. Its relaxing. So my painting includes a Blackberry. And a TV!!

On Demand

Comcast can eat shit but some of their On Demand selections make my days brighter. They have a section for singles where you can view clips of local people advertising themselves as someone who might fix this state of being single which seemingly bothers Comcast. Comcast does not want you to be single! They want you at home watching television with someone who has named themselves "pimpin01" or "wildman22." Today I enjoyed a short clip of a Puerto Rican man looking for a Puerto Rican woman "who doesn't talk too much." I thought of contacting this man so I could possible harm him in some way but I did what I always do which is direct all of my anger where it belongs, towards those fuckers at Comcast.

The Whore of Charm School

Brook has been named "The Whore of Charm School", but in her defense she just likes "to fuck." I do think Brook is promiscuous but the competition in this episode was to determine which male from a group of 6 was the "urban renaissance man." Her strategy was not off and it was unjust for her to be expelled.

Layleen was excited about this challenge because it was a good match for her skill set. "I know I'm going to be great at this because I started stripping when I was 17, and I know how to read people. That's what I do for a living. This is my forté." She actually said this!

I also love Becky or "Buck Wild." Last night when describing Brooke she said: "If it look like a ho, it smell like a ho, and it taste like a ho, its prolly a ho"

This reminds me of when Brenda caught Kelly out with Dillon and used the same line but replaced ho with duck. But essentially everything else is the same.

Sleep and Possibly Cats

I actually slept for 17 hours straight the other day. My roommate was horrified. I felt like I should be too but I could not feel anything but intense pride. I used to feel bad about sleeping too much because it meant that I was finally sinking into an inevitable pit of depression from which I would never rise. Now I feel great about it. Einstein slept for 10 hours a night. I feel like maybe I should try out some complex proofs or something.

I am allergic to cats and always enjoyed telling people I was a "dog person." Telling people you like dogs, and big dogs, better than cats is something people just do. If you are a dog person you like the outdoors and are willing to rough it up. I know this is all crap but for some reason it creeps into conversation the way the weather and Paris Hilton do. In truth I think I might have some cat person in me. Cats sleep all day and don't need attention. They also don't like to be dirty. My dog used to roll around in shit whenever possible. I might go out and buy a tee shirt with a big cat on it that says "I don't do mornings."

What is horrifying is that I misplaced the remote yesterday and ended up watching a full episode of 'The Nanny,' with commercials. I think that may be a red flag for depression.

Russians

I love that I am Russian but we are some crazy fools. I am watching the History channel series on Russian History and most decisions made by tsars seem to be alcohol related. Peter III hung a rat for treason!

I am also loving Peter the Great's Western European tour when he trashed everything in a very "Spring Break!" sort of way that I find endearing.

Valentin Serov's description of Peter the Great:

"He was frightful: long, on weak, spindly little legs and with a head so small in relation to the rest of his body...he looked more like a sort of dummy with a badly stuck on head than a live person. He suffered from a constant tic and was always making faces: wrinkling, screwing up his mouth, twitching his nose, wagging his chin."

Hilarious!

Russian scientists developed a new drug that prolongs drunkenness and enhances intoxication in 2005. I am expecting awesome results.

Budpest

I've been in Budapest for five days now and compared to Sarajevo it feels like home. I went out dancing the second night and was delighted hear songs like "Groove is in the Heart." If there was anything I was hoping for in Europe it was cheesy dance clubs.



The churches and Museams are all lovely. I have also enjoyed having long meals and drinking Cappacino while reading my book.



My sister and I were directed to go out at night to a so called "island of fun." In Hungarian it is called "Hoyogyan cziget." The island of fun turned out the be a club with very young people hanging out under tents and standing around drinking. We met a few guys from London who said they were there for a "Drum and Bass" show. We wanted to wait for it to start but their pretentiousness drove us to drink to much absenth and go home. One of them lectured me on the value of spending my time on more worthwhile things than watching TV like reading. My sister, whose always got my back pointed out that listening to "Drum and Bass" music with highschool kids might not be the most productive use of time either. It was also nice to point out to them that it was their county that brought us the horrors of American Idol which I don't even want to start ranting about here.



No one in Hungary speaks english so its hard to get around. I was trying to find the aquarium and apparently saying "museam of fish" and drawing a picture of a shar and a fish in a cage is not enough. I did get to go to the zoo where a giraffe ate out of my hand which was fun.



Our waitor made fun of americans to the table next to us last night. I can't even describe how weird it was. Within earshot is a huge understatement.





Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Meat Pie

Sarajevo has given me an unnatural obsession with meat pie. I can't stop eating them. I can't even stop thinking about them. Meat and pie are two great things so combined how could you go wrong? My sister's friend Sheldon once said:
"The love of meat pies... its what brings us together as a global community.
It is the lack of meat pies here in the US that is at the heart of our
unwillingness to join that global brotherhood." He was right.

Mostar

Mostar is a beautiful place. Its beauty is contrasted with the remnants of a war that is recent in the minds of all people here. Many of the buildings remain destroyed and most buildings are covered in bullet holes. You can hear the Muslim call to prayer while watching scantily clad women walk to clubs along with Musilim women covered completely headed toward the Mosque.

The river is the same blue as the Carribean sea. I like it here.

There is also a lot of vandalism supporting Tito and the Red Army. It is unsettling.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile